The art of fantasy football smack talk

It was bound to happen...the final pick in the final round of your fantasy football draft.
We prepared, we went over every scenario that could occur, we mock drafted, we projected, we made a list, we drafted the best fantasy football team on the planet.
Now it's over.

So now what do we do?
Now we wait.

Sure we check up on our players, make sure none of them have broken or bruised anything. We scour articles looking for the sleeper that might have slipped through our drafts. We check player movement, and then analyze how that movement is going to affect every other player on every other team in the league. But in most cases our rosters are set, so...we...wait.

While we are waiting it's a good idea to brush up on one of the most important skills needed for success in any fantasy football league...talking smack. Why is talking smack so important? Because a busy message board can make a good league even better. Because no matter who you drafted, no matter where you finish in the standings, you can get the little victories that only talking smack can deliver.

Did your team lose this week? It's ok as long as your TE scored more than theirs, you can still talk smack.
Did you lose by 20+ points? It's ok, because your DF recovered a fumble and ran it back for 6 points.
Did his #2 RB outscore your entire squad? That's ok too, because......Your mama.
If talking smack can get you back just a shred of the dignity you lost, then you must, YOU MUST, talk smack.


How?
There are basically two types of smack:
Opponent slamming smack.
Self promoting smack.

While I do use both; my favorite, my weapon of choice, is self promoting smack. Slamming smack can be dangerous with the threat of taking things too far, or maybe scaring off a newbie. Besides when you self promote you can get under the skin of an entire league with just one post. Also, I love to play the role of the obnoxiously conceited jerk...just ask my wife. Now don't get me wrong, slamming others can be fun and very entertaining, but busting out with an blue-streak about someone or their family isn't smack...it's lame.

Just like any other ability, the ability to talk smack must be used or it will waste away. We must keep ourselves conditioned during the off-season. Just like you wouldn't want your star WR showing up overweight and slow, your league doesn't want a coach showing up on the message board with a beauty like, "Your team was poorly drafted, and I doubt you will be able to win very much." You must work and train to avoid this embarrassment.

How do you keep yourself mid-season smack talking form? Talk smack.
Every chance you get, talk smack.
Playing Candy Land with the kids?
When they get stuck in the Molasses Swamp, talk smack.
Wife making you watch take out the trash?
After she leaves the room...talk smack.

You must use it, or you will lose it.
Yes you might have a couple of crying kids, and if your wife has good hearing maybe you have a black eye.....but you must be resilient.
Put this to practice and while the rest of your league is talking week 1 smack you will already be in mid-season form.